If Penny Simmonds or Melissa Lee had fronted the media with such little understanding of their own numbers in their portfolios, Christopher Luxon would eventually - at an opportune moment - have sacked them both in order to gain strength in the eyes of his support base. But this was a rich man in a suit, and so - there will be no sacking of Mark Mitchell.
No matter how bad Mitchell's Mr Plod routine - a confidence game now shattered before the whole nation due to his egregious incompetence, he has special immunity from consequence - thanks to his gender and economic status ( A rich white man who messed up ) - plus Christopher Luxon would have to sack himself as well to be fair - breaking the time honoured elitist CEO convention that - my rules apply to everyone else not me.
Around May 6 2022 Poto Williams was put on trial by NZME media and TVNZ 1 News - for the sin of "not having read a tome of police statistics" compiled by National within a few hours of them handing it over to her.
TVNZ misquoted Poto and Luxon said she was lost at sea.
Claire Trevett and Audrey Young yearned for a new Minister of Police - someone more male and burly who fitted their stereotypical expectations - and headlines screamed for days - as a spike in RAM RAIDs and reports of drive by firings of guns in a South Auckland gang clash filled the airwaves.
There was no mercy for Poto - no matter how much she supported the Police with tools and equipment and stronger laws - and eventually thanks to media pressure, Dame Jacinda Ardern made an adjustment and Chippy stepped up into the role.
NZME had howled for Poto's head - but today - Claire Trevett and Audrey Young, Thomas Coughlan and friends at the NZ Herald are all whistling dixie at the corners of the room and even swaggering out of the room as not a single headline is published about what New Zealand just witnessed from Luxon and Plod.
It's this rotten stark partisan bias at the NZ Herald and NewsCrap ZB that helps to swing elections in New Zealand.
In summary Luxon and Mark Mitchell stepped up on the podium and read out spin that had been written for them - before attempting to brush off media questions and move on if things got too sticky - next question.
Problems occurred pretty fast, thanks to both Luxon and Mitchell only having a very high level comprehension of the facts about a topic they should have understood in greater detail.
The self trumpeted "crystal clear vision and laser like focus on rebuilding the economy" did not extend to knowing the first thing about how many prison beds there were right now, whether the 600 beds promised by Labour was included or on top of the 810 beds they were now proposing, what the total number of prison beds would be ( 1800 ) at the end of the project, and a raft of other details.
Mark Mitchell and Christopher Luxon were information poor but full of bluster - and the confidence game showed its farcical face on a number of occasions - as Luxon attempted to blow off questions with "Look I don't know how to be any clearer" followed by high level spin about a different topic.
For example NewsRoom's Marc Daalder questioned how Luxon could be so certain that the so called "Back office savings" would have no impact on front lines?
Luxon appeared agitated and lashed out, "I don't know how to be any clearer" before talking about Government spending being up 84% since 2017 - but he never did answer the question put - because he did not understand the details about the back office "savings".
Instead Luxon deflected about how the Corrections CE would know.
At one stage Luxon fibbed in order to save face which is becoming a pattern now.
In December 2023 Luxon doubled down that there would be only one store selling cigarettes in Northland if we did not repeal Smokefree legislation - but he walked that back after Q&A revealed he was misinformed...by waving the evidence in the nation's faces. The game was up, time to be "straight up".
Last week Luxon told media that every single Budget programme would be baselined and for the full four years with no "fiscal cliffs" or examples of time limited spending. 13 hours later Luxon was walking that back, because he had fibbed and reached for a straw - like a drowning man - rather than say "I don't know".
Yesterday Luxon was adamant that none of the 1.9 Billion for Corrections was Capital Spending ( eg building prisons ) and that it was all operational ( OPEX ) - which was another example of "making it up" on the fly.
This pattern of lying rather than admitting he has no clue because he is too lazy - would be enough for Luxon to sack any one of his ministers in his cabinet - as long as they were female, not particularly wealthy, or not a coalition party minister.
The double standard stinks.
This morning Luxon will blow things off in his media rounds - probably with a minor mea culpa about having to do better with numbers but that is not what is important etc.
The whole thing will pass out of popular memory within 24 hours at the NZ Herald - as they slather over JAG and their pound of Green Flesh but turn a wilful blind eye to the mess that is Mark Mitchell and the utter bungling of the Prime Minister.
The popular lyric from Jethro Tull that "the wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick" springs to mind when reflecting upon Mark Mitchell and how he is not across the details of his portfolio.
The neoliberal myth that "tough on crime" will work is not gelling six months into Mitchell's watch - while down on Ponsonby road a man is shot outside a liquor store on Sunday night, or a woman lies in a pool of her own blood in a supermarket after being stabbed, or another Jewellery store is smashed and robbed in broad daylight - and Mitchell has no clue about his numbers.
Fumbling, bumbling, speaking slowly and deliberately - like heavy gravity chained around slow minds - as if he knows what he means - when he is lost at sea...far away from the facts, unable to comprehend the details of his own announcements - a public laughing stock.
Nobody is safe while Mark Mitchell is Minister of Police.
Nothing will improve while National play the "soft on crime versus tough on crime" political game while ignoring evidence about what will work.
Nobody wants to hear Luxon detail a laundry list of actions again - he has taken - while working incredibly hard - when they do not have anything to do with the questions at hand and do not work anyway,
The $1.9 Billion for Corrections is the same level of spending as in previous budgets - but there has been a great deal of smoke and mirrors applied to try and appear - like Luxon has found inefficiencies and is applying them to reshape things - inefficiencies he cannot articulate in any detail, because he thought he would get away with fobbing them off on public services CEs.
Those who watched Three at 6 last night will know how bad Luxon and Mitchell were in that post cabinet press conference.
The media know. Nobody is impressed.
The polls tell us Luxon's government is already out of power after only six months - a telling indictment on his incompetency and lack of suitability to lead a country.
Members of the public watch slack jawed at this terrifying circus as it crashes from bungle to fark up to head shaking cringe.
While over at the NZ Herald - Audrey and Claire still have a locker full of bouquets to give to their favourite political party - especially Christopher ( it's how he leads, how he rolls )- as they look with narrow eyes at anyone who challenges him.
Time for another "constant adjustment" Christopher.
Sack Mark Mitchell and sack yourself.
It's the right thing to do.
What a Shite Show
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